So Miley Cyrus Had Sex With a Foam Finger...

Mtv held its annual Video Music Awards (VMA's), because they haven't started giving them out to Teen Moms yet. During a performance of "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus basically had sex with a foam finger on stage after twerking against Thicke (dressed like Beetlejuice), and subsequently killed the sports stadium tradition for children around the world.

If you missed it, you may be in luck, as anyone watching this catastrophic event needs to go out and get checked for crabs. Why couldn't she defile a Vuvuzela instead? Those are way more annoying than foam fingers, i'd rather those be burnt for all eternity than the foam finger. Oh, she also humped a giant Teddy Bear before that performing her own song. After watching her with the Foam Finger, you almost forget about that part, which is saying something. Though I'm still wondering whether its real or if Al Qaeda dropped acid into our water supply and we imagined it all.

Some other "highlights":

-Lil Kim morphed into LaToya Jackson.

-Jared Leto somehow compared Kanye West to Jimi Hendrix, which led me to change the channel in protest. Comparing them is like comparing getting those aforementioned crabs to getting a billion dollars. There is none.

-Justin Timberlake and Nsync performed together, minus the "sun in" bleached 1998 hair. It was the worst kept secret of the summer.

-Will Smith and his kids Jaden & Willow were just as confused as the rest of us during Miley's performance, which was a far cry from the "Carlton Dance".